Greetings,
So, I'm posting this on the 85th birthday of one Mr. Clint Eastwood. Yay! I had intended to do a week's worth of reviews of his movies, but...life happens. So I picked just one. This one. Because what better way to celebrate than to talk about one of the worst movies he has ever made. Oh, yeah, spoilers. This thing is pretty awful. But what's a better gift for someone than perspective about the actual quantity of their awesomeness. I kid, a little. I mean, I think his cup of awesomeness runneth over. Still, Clint never seemed like a guy who thought he was all that, and he certainly doesn't seem that way now. But I, personally, have never heard him say how he felt either way about this film. I should probably try harder with my research. All I know, for sure, is that most people look back on this thing with little fondness. But is there actually anything redeeming about it? Guess we'll have to go looking. So, let's talk about this, shall we?
Every Which Way But Loose is a 1978 film wherein Clint Eastwood stars as Philo Beddoe (wait, what?), a truck driver who makes money on the side as a fighter. Not like a boxer. No, we're talking bare knuckles, street fighting style. He lives in the San Fernando Valley in a small house that lies behind the actual house of his buddy Orville Boggs, played by the recently deceased and greatly missed, Geoffrey Lewis, and Orville's mother, played by Ruth Gordon, who has quite a potty-mouth in this. In other words, if they ever remade this (Please NO!) Betty White would most likely be first on the casting wish list. Oh, and did I mention that Philo has a pet orangutan named Clyde which he won in one of those fights and who sometimes helps with the laundry? Yep, that's the selling point on this movie - Clint Eastwood and a monkey. Take a look at the poster if you can. It's just Clint looking like his usual tough guy self, except he's being cuddled by an orangutan. So be it, 70's.
Now I must say, this has quite an...interesting opening sequence. "Interesting" meaning you watch it and sort of go, "O-Kay?" There's actually quite a few moments like that. Basically, we see Philo, driving along in his truck to the titular movie tune by Eddie Rabbitt. That was a thing back in the day, kids, for movies to have theme songs. Movies other than the James Bond franchise, I mean. Good thing? Uh...occasionally. Anyway, the music stops and he stops into a bar...in the middle of the day...where pretty much everyone is smoking. I can't remember if that was still healthy for you like it was back in the 50's. He gets into a fight, of course, which he wins, of course, then at the drop of a hat, it's back to the truck and back to the song. O-Kay? Welcome to our movie?
So, the plot. That begins when he meets a woman. Doesn't it always? This time it's Lynn Halsey-Taylor played by Sondra Locke. Uh...yeah. You know, Charles Sonnenburg of SF Debris fame said something in his Star Trek V: The Final Frontier review pertaining to the woman who played the Romulan ambassador and how she might have gotten the part. Go watch that. Look, I could go on and on about this Sondra Locke person, but you'd do best to look up that little controversy on your own. I just can't right now. Anyway, Lynn is an aspiring country singer. Aspiring, like maybe making the Top 30 on a weak season of American Idol. Naturally, Philo falls for her, and he thinks things are going well until she runs off and causes him a whole lot of trouble. Art imitating life much. Again, Google it. You guys, I'm not really judging. All of this is in the public record. And when you're in like six movies during the time you are intimately involved with the guy who's in charge of said movies, you have to expect that people will be suspicious. Moving on.
After that, the whole film suddenly turns into some kind of road trip movie, because Philo drags Orville and Clyde to go all the way to Colorado to look for Lynn. Seriously? Well, at least, Orville gets himself a girl in the form of Beverly D'Angelo playing Echo. Not her real name, I assume? Even Clyde gets a little action when they take him to a zoo in the middle of the night to visit the lady monkeys. No, I'm not kidding. I'm kinda grossed out, but I'm not kidding.
Oh, and we can't forget the part of the plot where Philo is getting chased by a motorcycle gang called The Black Widows, a name which implies that they're either dumb or really secure in their masculinity. Also, an LAPD cop is after him. Why? Probably because he's tougher than all of them put together. Even without his .44 Magnum. Oh, right. Different, better movie. He only has the guns that the good Lord gave him in this production.
Anyway, as the story unfolds, I suppose there are a few twist moments, if you aren't really paying attention. Not enough to make it any kind of "on the edge of your seat" entertainment. Even the ending was like, "Yeah. Figures."
Alright, is there anything good about this movie? Anything entertaining? Well, if I'm going to be honest, yes. Yes, there is. Clyde. More specifically, the friendship between Clyde and Philo. I actually did laugh out loud at a lot of the scenes that featured Clint and the monkey, especially the "Hands up. Bang!" exchange. If you've seen this, you'll know what I mean. Those were legit entertaining. Actually, if you just cut together those scenes into a movie, it might end up being one of my favorites from Clint. But, alas, we had to add all of that other stuff.
So, because of those highly amusing scenes, I say you can check this out. Just keep your fast forward button handy, because most of this is not really going to interest you much. But, apparently, it interested someone. Because, Number One: it made $85 million on a $5 million budget, which I assume was the reason for Number Two: it got a sequel two years later, which also, despite dismal reviews, made back nearly five times its budget. SERIOUSLY?! Yeesh! I wonder if citizens of 1980 knew how much worse things like that were going to get. Ahem, ahem, Iron Man 2!
Okay, I think I'm done with this, so let's wrap things up already.
In conclusion, Happy 85th Birthday, Clint Eastwood (in case, he's reading this. You never know)! I know I messed with you a bit in this review, but that's because I am not a fan. I am an admirer of you great work. If I was a fan, I would blindly say that I love everything you do. No. I love the great things you do, while acknowledging that you've also done some crap. I think even you admit that. And that is to be expected, especially considering that this year also marks your 60th in the movie business. I just...wow!
So, I love you for all the amazing things you've done, on screen and off, and I forgive you for all the...oopsies. Again, on screen and off. Please don't be mad at me. Let's do lunch.
Love and full moons,
Becky the Writer
