Greetings,
Earlier this year I discussed the well-deserved, one season status of a show called Saved by the Bell: The College Years. In it, I mentioned that it officially ended with a TV movie where Zack and Kelly eloped to Las Vegas to get married, something I'm sure they did completely without untoward incidents. Right. Since I mentioned it in that post, some people have been asking me to review it. Well, what with the overwhelming amount of joy I got from reviewing the much requested magnum opus of Tommy Wiseau, The Room, I threw up my hands and thought, Why not? So here we go. And some spoilers ahead.
Look, if you want back story of how we got to the point of the start of this TV movie, go back and read the aforementioned Saved by the Bell post. I just cannot get into that again right now. Anyway, we start out with Zack back at home with his parents, who are none too pleased about his wanting to be married at the age of nineteen, especially his father. Yes, his father has the good sense to tell them to wait, so that means he's...the bad guy. Okay, maybe not totally bad, but he at least puts a bit of a damper on the nuptials. And may I take a moment to point out John Sanderford and Melody Rogers, who also played Zack's parents on the original show, though I think this may have been the first time they were seen together. I always liked them, so shout out. But despite his parents' objections, Zack is determined to take his $1200 wedding stash (HA! and plot point) and make his way to Vegas with Kelly to get married. And if you think they're going alone, you've obviously never seen an episode of the show. No, they bring along Slater, Screech and Lisa, just because. And where is Jessie you may be asking? Well, this is 1994, a year before Showgirls, which means she is probably somewhere selling off the last of her shame. Oh, and by the way, since 90% of this thing takes place in Las Vegas, don't think that will be my only joke about that. Still, I will try to control myself. No, but they're totally gonna meet her at the Cheetah. Dang it!
So, they set off on their road trip, guys in one car, girls in the other, and due to some ridiculous "boys vs girls" bet plot to pad the movie, both groups run into problems. The girls' car breaks down, and they are helped on the road by a guy named Kurt, who looks like some dirty, hippie, prompting spoiled, rich girl Lisa to not like him. Gee, I wonder if he's not really a dirty hippie and those two end up hooking up eventually. But even with all their delays, the girls still beat the boys to Vegas. Why? Because the boys get arrested by "stereotypical hick cop who likes to be arresting people from the big city" character. Of course, they went there. And so they lose all $1200 in order to get out and get to their destination, which is, I forgot to mention, the Stardust Resort and Casino.
Wait a minute! The same Stardust Resort and Casino that was prominently featured in Showgirls? Maybe? Oh...the...irony! Seriously, I wonder which one of these productions caused it to commit suicide by way of implosion. Moving on.
So, Zack loses the money that was going to be used to pay for his wedding, and does he do the mature thing and explain it all to Kelly so they can figure out what to do together? Well, he wouldn't be Zack Morris, and we wouldn't have a movie if he did. No, he proves his father right by using every juvenile scheme to try and earn back the money. Oh, sure, they try to get normal jobs at first, but it's Vegas and we're trying to be funny, so they eventually turn into male prostitutes. Well, G-rated, Saved by the Bell-style male prostitutes.
Now while all this is going on, Slater meets a girl (What!) named Carla, played by the always adorable Liz Vassey. Don't worry, Doll. Just ten years or so and you'll be on CSI. Anyway, she's got this ex-boyfriend named Freddy Silver, who is a mobster in town to steal a big diamond. So all of that gets woven into the plot to make it more interesting(?). Also, Screech gets chased around by a fat woman, because...yeah.
So hijinks ensue, and when they die down, Zack and Kelly nearly get married in a quickie Las Vegas chapel by Gilbert Gottfried of all people. But, alas, Zack's parents pull an Adrian Balboa, showing up to support them at the last minute. Oh, and to foot the bill for a big wedding. Because if there is one thing that Saved by the Bell has taught us, it's that teenagers are always smarter than adults, and the adults eventually come to realize this. Later, we see their proper wedding, complete with a clip montage and past cast member cameos, like Mr. Belding, and even Jessie got off the pole long enough to witness the nuptials. Okay, I'm done with that, for real.
And we end with the nineteen-year-old newlyweds riding off into the sunset and to an inevitable divorce after a few years. Really, do you think Zack will stay with her once she becomes the delightfully wicked Valerie Malone? I think not. Or they stay together forever, inevitably having a brood of children, one of whom will, no doubt, be named in honor of Becky the Duck.
So when I first saw this, I was young and still a fan of the show. As an adult? Yeah, this thing is about as good and profound as you'd expect, if you've ever seen Saved by the Bell. It's nothing more than a ninety minute episode of the show. Still, if you ever get nostalgic for a simpler time in your life, when high schoolers and college kids didn't even act as "edgy" and inappropriate as the thirteen-year-olds of today, I say give it a watch. It's probably still good for a laugh, though, I must warn all of those involved in the making of this film, it is now more of an "at you" laugh than a "with you" laugh. Sorry.
Love and full moons,
Becky the Writer
