Greetings,
I so enjoy it when something comes along to remind me of how much I love a certain person. For example, this year a show premiered called The American Bible Challenge on GSN. I really like it, and not just because I am kind of smart when it comes to Bible stuff, but because of the host, Jeff Foxworthy. That's right. I love Jeff Foxworthy. I have for years, and I will, no doubt, continue doing so for years to come.
If you don't know who Jeff Foxworthy is, first of all, sad for you, and second, he is a comedian who became famous making fun of rednecks. And it's okay that he does this because, as he once said, and I quote (hopefully), "You can make fun of rednecks if you are one. And I are one." Or something like that. He also made it okay for us to laugh at the things they do,too. Out loud and in public. Thanks, friend!
So, to pay tribute to what pays his bills, I will share with you all my personal top ten of his his infamous "You Might Be a Redneck If . . ." jokes. Now I certainly hope there is no copyright infringement by my telling you these jokes, but to be safe, let me just say, these are jokes that Jeff Foxworthy owns. Like, for real. He OWNS these jokes! Ever seen him perform? If you have, you'll probably agree with me. Anywho, here are my favorites. I do hope I worded them all correctly. And, of course, I must preface my top ten by saying this:
"You might be a redneck if . . ."
#10 - "You have a home that is mobile, and fourteen cars that aren't" - One day he will shock his audiences by changing the word "home" to "phone". It may just cause a riot.
#9 - "You've ever used an ironing board as a buffet table" - And those "sophisticated" people that Jeff speaks of would probably call me a redneck because I have a table you can pull apart and add extra leaves to for when I have a buffet.
#8 - "You've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said 'concentrate'" - This is the first one I ever heard from him, so it holds a special place in my heart. Plus, I love orange juice, so there you go.
#7 - "The most common phrase in your house is 'Someone go jiggle the handle'"/ "Directions to your house include 'Turn off the paved roads'" - Okay, here's the thing. I had to have a tie with these two, because they are the ones that, at one time or another, have hit closest to home with me. You understand now why I rarely had friends over as a child.
#6 - "You've ever taken a fishing pole to Sea World" - With this one, I don't think I ever actually heard Jeff say it, but someone made a list online and said it was his, and since I believe everything on the internet . . . Oh, and if you think this joke might offend Sea World, I suggest you watch Jaws 3-D. Then you will know that, at some point, they appeared to have little concern for their own reputation. "Come to Sea World! We've got killer sharks, and the guy who played Manimal!"
#5 - "Someone hollers 'hoedown' and your girlfriend hits the floor" - To make a Kardashian joke or to not make a Kardashian joke. And by merely posing the query, it seems I have chosen in the affirmative.
#4 - "You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side" - I haven't seen salad bowls with that particular logo, but I have certainly seen it on tupperware.
#3 - "You've ever made change in the offering plate" - That's pretty bad. And yet, not nearly as bad as making change in the hand of a homeless person. That would be seriously messed up. And why do I fear that some people have done it?
#2 - "An episode of Walker, Texas Ranger ever changed your life" - It is precisely this joke that makes me hope Josh Holloway was cast on Lost, a show that "changed his life", because of his appearance on Walker, Texas Ranger. See, that way Hurley would be totally justified in calling him "Redneck Man" that one time.
#1 - "Your family tree does not fork" - And, if it forks too much, you might be a character on a soap opera!
Genius! Him, not me.
Now I know that some people hate on Jeff Foxworthy, because, I don't know, he doesn't say the F-word or something, but I still love him. Kidding aside, I like the fact that he's pretty much a very clean comic, and yet he still manages to be hilarious. He's also a good family man, and, from what Larry the Cable Guy tells me on our monthly frog gigging trips, he's a great friend. So I can't think of a reason not to like him.
Oh, and P.S., I don't really go on frog gigging trips with Larry. A girl can dream, though.
Love and full moons,
Becky the Writer
