Greetings,
Forgive me for not being more aware of my own work, but I'm pretty sure that this is the first time I've ever done a "worst of" list. Odd. When it comes to the work of other reviewers, I've always liked discussions of worst more than best. Come on! We all know those are more fun. Now I don't know what prompted me to choose this as my first, but I must say, it was difficult.
When it comes to songs being covered, we have gotten some phenomenal results, like Johnny Cash with "Hurt", Grace Potter and the Nocturnal tackling "White Rabbit", The Bird and the Bee doing, well, pretty much everything by Hall and Oates, and even A-Ha with "Crying In the Rain". Unfortunately, I think the bad far outweigh the good, which gave me tons from which to choose. That was one thing that made this difficult. To try and make it easier, I put some limitations on myself. That did not help very much. Still, here are a few of my criteria. First of all, of course, I had to have heard them, because I am nothing if not fair. Then, I factored in how much I like/dislike the new artist and the old artist and the original song itself. Seriously, why would I care if someone does a bad cover of a song that I didn't think was all that good to begin with? Also, no performances from reality shows. And certainly no interpretations by the cast of Glee. Yeah, there are so many bad ones from that series that I may have to create a list just about them. And finally, we're sticking with straight forward covers here, so no new songs that just happen to have samples of old songs. Oh, wait, one more thing - none of Shatner's covers, because everything he does is gold. Okay. So, if you think anything is missing that should be here, these are probably the reasons why. Alright, let's get to it. Worst cover songs, top ten. Or bottom ten. Oh, crap!
#10. "Lady Marmalade" (Cover by Christina Aguilera, Mya, Pink, Lil' Kim and technically, Missy Elliot; original by LaBelle) - As you may recall, I recently made it very clear that I adore Miss Patti LaBelle and everything about her. She has one of the most powerful and distinct female voices of all time, which means that the chances of improving upon something that she has already sung is about impossible. So why did they have to assign this to a boatload of overrated singers? Beats me. Now there are some people that just hate everything that has to do with the movie Moulin Rouge, and, therefore, probably hate this song as well. I don't mind the movie that much. In fact, if we're staying in context, I'd say one of the best things about it is that it doesn't include this particular version of the song. Good grief, I would have preferred to hear Jim Broadbent sing it. Oh, wait, he kind of did. My bad.
#9. "We Are the World" (Cover by Artists For Haiti; original by USA For Africa) - Okay, to be honest, I have always hated this song. Like with any charity single, the people who make them seem to rely less on producing a good product and more on guilting people into buying it. I really never thought they could make it worse, but they certainly did. For one thing, the original was full of legit, big stars of the moment, a lot of them, and the producers made everyone sound on their A-game. The cover, or remake if you will, had a couple of relevant singers, but not nearly as many, and they pretty much all sounded not good. Look, I don't want to knock them for trying to raise money for the tragedy, but this was just not the way.
#8. "Sweet Child O' Mine" (Cover by Sheryl Crow; original by Guns 'N' Roses) - I am not what you could call a fan of Guns 'N' Roses, but I can admit that they had a few songs I liked, such as, this one. It's just a really good rock song. How can you make a good rock song bad? A watered down cover by someone who is not a rock singer. Now even back in the day when I was still a fan of Sheryl Crow's, I never put her in the category of rock. She was a singer-songwriter, which, while a vague description, has become a genre all its own. I think others thought that as well, considering the consensus of "What?" when her album, The Globe Sessions, won the Best Rock Album Grammy over Hole's Celebrity Skin. Yeah, no. I know it may seem like I'm getting off point, but this is the point. Some people should just stay in their genre.
#7. "American Pie" (Cover by Madonna; original by Don McLean) - I think this is a song that tends to go either way with a lot of people. Personally, I've always enjoyed it, found the lyrics pretty creative. Then, Madonna got a hold of it, I'm assuming at a karaoke bar, and just ... no. And on top of that, it does nothing but remind us of that awful The Next Best Thing movie to which it was attached. Even worse. Well, at least, she didn't cover the WHOLE song.
#6. "Angels" (Cover by Jessica Simpson; original by Robbie Williams ... sort of) - When you think of a bad Jessica Simpson cover, most people would immediately think of "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'", from the equally vomit inducing The Dukes of Hazzard movie. And, trust, I know that was terrible. (Why, Willie Nelson, why? Oh, yeah, pot.) But I have chosen the song "Angels", which is a beautiful song from Robbie Williams debut album, and then over sung, as per usual, by Jessica Simpson on her In This Skin "Hey, this album used to suck, but then she got really popular by being a total airhead on a reality show, so now it's good" album. Mm-hmm. Looks, it's a lovely, sweet song, meant to be sung, not shouted ... flatly.
#5. "Edge of Seventeen" (Cover by Lindsay Lohan; original by Stevie Nicks) - Yes, this does exist, much to my chagrin. It's bad enough that Lindsay Lohan ever had the nerve to call herself a singer, but to take one of Stevie Nicks best and most beloved songs and do . . . THAT to it, is pretty much a crime. I suppose that's just something else some 'barely a judge' judge will give her a slap on the wrist for. No wonder Stevie will never let this chick play her in a movie.
#4. "Behind Blue Eyes" (Cover by Limp Bizkit; original by The Who) - Goodnight, do I have to even say anything other than Limp Bizkit to justify this one? Alright, fine, just give me a minute. Deep breath. Okay. Yeah, this thing is horrible. The original "Behind Blue Eyes" is an amazing song, one of my favorites by The Who, and Fred Durst just drags it into an alley, beats it within an inch of its life and steals its wallet. Then, to give it some kind of tie-in to that ridiculous Gothika movie, not to mention its tainted star, makes it even worse. And what the heck with the Speak and Spell as a guest vocalist?! Should have gotten Dane Cook to do that bit. Listen, if you want a good cover version of this song, check out the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer entitled "Where the Wild Things Are" and say a prayer of thanks to the Lord above for Rupert Giles.
#3. "Working Class Hero" (Cover by Green Day; original by John Lennon) - There are some songs that should never be covered, like ever, no matter how good the artist is, and this is one of them. Oh, don't get me wrong. I do not think Green Day is good. On the contrary, they have to be one of the most overrated bands of my generation, easily. And this song, to me, always seemed very personal to John Lennon, so I really don't want to hear anyone else singing it for any reason. So, what did they do with it? They stuck it on a charity album, the only thing worse than a charity single. Yeah, this was on an album of nothing but John Lennon covers, which was made to help with the crisis in Darfur. Again, I appreciate trying to help the people, but, also again, this is not the way! I mean, I have heard this thing, and the word 'unworthy' is what comes to mind. So, I say we all just do what we always do in situations like this - blame Yoko!
#2. "Landslide" (Cover by The Dixie Chicks; original by Stevie Nicks) - Oh, no! Again, Stevie. Okay, so there are problems with this, two fold. First, it's the Dixie Chicks, yet another severely overrated act. Second, I am about 98% sure that Stevie gave her blessing on this one. It's no secret that I love Miss Stevie, but I also can admit that she has done a couple of things that have annoyed me. Like the whole Twilight thing in the context of In Your Dreams (go back and read my reviews, and you'll know what I mean), and, sweet mercy, the "Bootylicious" fiasco. Yeah, if I was letting samples on this list, THAT mess probably would have been number one. Look, I may have been a Dixie Chick fan at one time, but no more, which, believe it or not has less to do with their political whatnots and more to do with the quality of their music going into free fall. So, yeah, this one is clearly labeled "Not Good".
#1. "Hallelujah" (Cover by Bono; original by Leonard Cohen) - Oh, Bono. Oh, you poor dear. What are we going to do with you? Alright, as I said, songs getting covered can be a good thing. The same song getting covered multiple times has the possibilty of being fine, as well. But what has happened with "Hallelujah" has just gotten out of hand? Ironically, the person I blame for this is also the only person who should have done a cover. That is, of course, Jeff Buckley. His cover of this song was pure magic, and it was all we would ever need, aside from the original. Of course, most people can't leave well enough alone, so we have countless and just plain sad versions of this crazy amazing song. And THIS is the worst. I never even knew it existed until very, very recently. I wish I still didn't know it existed. Okay, so here's what it is. Bono took the music and made it something that's like half slow jazz, half slow house music beats or something. I honestly can't even figure out what genre it's supposed to be, if any, but it just sounds wrong. Then, he doesn't even sing the lyrics; he talks them. You know, like he did with that song in the beginning of In The Name of the Father, right? But when we get to the chorus, he goes into that high-pitched thing that he did on "Lemon", and it is so bad. Seriously, listening to this for the first time, I felt like there was an itch on the inside of my brain, really far in, and I could not, for the life of me, get to it. Look, if you're brave or one of those crazy adventure-y, risk takers, go ahead and find it and listen to it, but do not say I didn't warn you. I'm all for doing creative and innovative things with music, but some lines should not be crossed. Certainly not like they were here.
And now you know you know why I stay away from karaoke nights. Wow, this is one of the harshest things I've ever done. I don't know if I can handle doing these "Worst Of"s. Anyway, I think we can all certainly agree that paying tribute to great artists and the songs they give us can be wonderful, but, remember, know your limits. And DO NOT RUIN!
Love and full moons,
Becky the Writer
