Greetings,
I have mentioned this before, but let me do it again. I am not a big fan of one Miss Christina Aguilera. Don't get me wrong. I do like some of her songs, but it's more her as a person for which I do not care much. I know. I don't know her, but I have known people who have known her from way back when, and, trust, nothing good was ever said. So, though it may seem cruel, the main reason why I watched the movie Burlesque was to see if she would fall on her face as an actress. Yeah, she really didn't disappoint me much on that. You know, just because Mariah Carey allegedly said some nasty things about you, doesn't mean you have to try and one up her on the bad acting.
Okay, before I get into the story, let me warn you. I may be giving some spoilers. Not a ton, since there is little story to spoil, but I always give a heads up when I do that. Let's start this thing.
Burlesque is about a girl named Ali who moves from a small town to a big city in hopes of becoming famous. Very original. Anyway, Ali gets to L.A. and wanders into a burlesque club. The first thing she sees, besides Alan Cumming as the doorman (there's a bouncer to fear) is Tess, the owner of the club, singing and being surrounded by her "dancers". Tess is played by Cher, and I don't think anyone else could have played this part. Good or bad, it's the truth. So Ali wants to be on stage, but the best she can do is con herself a waitress job with the help of bartender Jack played by Cam Gigandet, who some of you may know as one of the unconvincingly evil vamps from Twilight. We also get to meet Stanley Tucci as Sean, the longtime gay friend and employee of Tess. Wait! Stanley Tucci is playing a gay guy who works for an aging business woman? Okay, someone had a little trouble parting with his character from The Devil Wears Prada. But I do like Stanley Tucci, so I guess I can let it slide.
So Ali does her waitressing gig while still dreaming of being one of the performers. And when I say dreaming, I mean they blatantly stole the Renee Zelwegger bit from the "All That Jazz" scene of Chicago. So already this movie has made me think of two better movies that I wish I was watching instead. Through some cinematic upheaval, namely an apartment robbery and one of the "dancers" getting pregnant, Ali moves in with Jack and gets a chance to get on stage. What? She's moving in with the cute, single guy that she works with? I wonder what might happen! Insert eye roll. More upheaval causes Ali to be able to sing live as opposed to the lipsynching the girls normally do, except for Tess. So, surprise, she becomes the star and, eventually and, according to Jack, a total "B" (yeah, I still don't say that word!). Anyway, Tess hopes that this (the singing) will bring in enough money so that she can save her club. Oh, yeah, that is another plot of this movie, which includes some guy who wants to get his hands on the club. That guy is played by one of those Mc. . .whatever doctors from Grey's Anatomy. And Ali just happens to get involved with him, too. What is all the heck? This IS The Devil Wears Prada!
Anyway, things continue on just as predictably as one would expect, including the ending. I mean, every single aspect of the conclusion could be seen coming from the Earth to the moon. But whatever, let's get to the music.
About 90% of the songs in the film are ones you would expect to hear in one of these clubs, which is fine, since there are some good ones here. But believe me, I would much rather hear Etta James singing "Tough Lover" than Christina Aguilera. Now I am not one to deny any goodness I can find, so I will point out a couple of songs that aren't so bad. There is one called "Bound to You", which, despite the 'too much as usual' performance by Christina, is actually a lovely ballad. If only it hadn't been interspersed with scenes of fornication! Heh, heh! Then we have the Diane Warren penned "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" performed by Cher. Again, say what you will about her, the woman can sing, and she certainly has a presence about her. And this song, certainly lyrically, fits her very well. So hats off for that one.
So, besides that, is there anything else good I can say about this movie? Actually, yes. Like I said, love me some Stanley Tucci and good Cher, but a couple of other performances are pretty good, too. Though I have never considered myself a fan of hers, I thought Kristen Bell did a good job playing, Nikki, the often drunk antagonist of . . . well, pretty much everybody. She was actually kind of fun. And let me give a little shout out to Julianne Hough in this thing. She plays Georgia, the one that gets pregnant, therefore letting Ali take her place. So her part is pivotal, but not huge, and for what little screen time she has, she's not bad. See, Julianne did the thing that every "famous for something else" person should do when it comes to their first movie role. She got a small part in an ensemble cast where she could utilize her talents and see if she can handle the acting thing. Now, the Footloose remake debacle aside, I do think that if she keeps honing her acting skills, she will become very good at it. And she's just so sweet!
Films like this do serve a purpose in the world. We can't have bad movie night without bad movies! And this one qualifies. Of course, it does have a few bright moments, but just not enough for me. I have heard people say it wasn't as bad as they were expecting, which I guess is a little true. Still, that is not exactly a glowing recommendation, especially since the bar was set so low to begin with. Look, watch it if you want to, but don't say I told you to do it. I just can't be responsible for that many people smashing things into their plasmas.
Love and full moons,
Becky the Writer
