Monday, July 26, 2010

REALly Funny - Day 7

Greetings Pups,

If anyone asks me what kind of TV I watch, I tell them that I gravitate toward the dramas. I wonder why. Perhaps, it has something to do with the comedies I was exposed to as a child and the ones I still catch reruns of now. I should catch and release.

For example, today I found myself watching an old episode of Full House. You remember that one, right? Of course. This particualar episode was all about the people in the Tanner household getting on each others nerves due to the crowded living quarters. Understandable. There were like thirty-seven people living there, something that only should be done if there are Greek letters above the front door. Anyway, some old dude was going to give them twice what the house was worth to buy it. No brainer, right? Well, for most of us.

But wait! Oh no, the seven year old is sad and doesn't want to move. Case closed. Cancel the Uhaul. Are they kidding? Maybe if there were living in this economy the response would be, "Oh, you're sad. I'm sorry. Suck it up and start packing, little girl!"

You know, I guess we shouldn't be surprised. This show had, on numerous occasions, steered very clear of the notion that the children are not in charge of the household. And, God forbid, they ever get a punishment that fits the crime.

Seriously, think back. How many times were statements like this uttered? "What? You ruined the eighty dollar sweater we foolishly bought for you? We'll just take a penny out of your allowance every week for the next hundred years until you pay it off." Or, "What? You drove a car into the kitchen without even opening the door first? At least you didn't get hurt or mess up your hair." Or, "What? You accidentally poisoned the next door neighbor. Well, these things happen." Okay, I made that last one up, but the other two were loosely based on actual episodes.

Why can there be no "true to life" ness in any of these shows? I mean, Lost had more reality based episodes. Things happened, people got upset, sometimes to the point of gunfire. Now that's real life.

So if you get sucked into an old rerun of this show, just keep telling yourself, like I do, that you're only watching to look at John Stamos. Seriously, does he age at all? I've never heard of a Greek vampire, but there is a first time for everything, I suppose.

Love and full moons,

Becky the Writer

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Just Go Already! - Day 6

Greetings Pups,

I remember being sixteen. I remember being so excited to start driving. It seemed like it was so much fun, and it was. At first. Then, all of a sudden, something changed, like I bet it does for most people. One day, you realize that you have to drive and it's no longer all that fun. You also realize that the only way driving can be truly enjoyable is if there's no one else on the road. I have many complaints about the vehicular behavior of others and I'm sure I'll get to them all eventually. Today, I'll focus on one.

Now I'm one of those crazy people who follows all the rules of the road. I go the speed limit, I yield, and when I see a stop sign, I take it at face value. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm going to complain about those who don't. You know, the rollers, the pausers, the "I don't psychically feel that any cars are approaching from either direction so I'm gonna gun it and hope for the best" people. No, I won't talk about those idiots, not today. I'm going to go in the opposite direction.

Like I said, when I see a stop sign, I stop completely, I look, and if it's safe, I go. It's the best method for dealing with the stop sign. But then, there are some people who see the sign, and they stop. And they stay stopped. Then they stay stopped some more. It's like they're waiting for the sign to magically turn around and say Go, so they can go. What is that about?

Now I can appreciate the fine art of being cautious in this situation. I, myself, have been there. You're stopped, you see a car coming, and at that distance, you could probably make it, but you have a bad feeling and decide to wait it out. Especially with those big trucks. Yeah, I like to let them have their way and pass me before I go. But these are isolated incidents.

Recently, I was out driving and I came to a stop sign behind someone else. And they stopped and stay stopped. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe the trucks were coming. But no. After waiting there for Lord knows how long, they just decided to go. Nothing passed by. Nothing. I pulled up, I looked both ways. Not a car in sight. Nothing, but tumbleweeds as far as the eye can see. I literally wanted to chase that car down and force them to pull over just so I could ask what the problem was. I was that curious.

Look, people, I don't mean to vulgar, but this is the best advice I can give about dealing with stop signs. You have to treat them like a one night stand. Just hit it, do what you have to do and then move on to the next one. You have to go all Chuck Bass on those things. You can't be like Dan Humphrey, sitting there for twenty minutes, desperately trying to start a meaningful relationship. Yeah, that's right. I have watched the Gossip Girl enough to know the characters and their behavior. Sorry.

My point is, hit it and go. It's simple. It could be jingle. Let's all just do our best to make the driving experience as pain free and homicide free as possible for everyone.

Love and full moons,

Becky the Writer

Monday, July 19, 2010

Handle With Care - Day5

Greetings Pups,

I wonder if, as with a lot of jobs, grocery workers are required to take certain tests. Psychological tests, random drug tests, whatever. For many reasons, I'm thinking no. Now I know that anger management classes exist, and if the class exists, there must be tests, I think those particular tests should be given to the people who work in the dairy department. I'll tell you why.

Pardon the pun, but why is it like playing a shell game when you attempt to find a carton of eggs that has no damage? I want ONE dozen, and yet, I have to sift through ten dozen to find the precious, perfect one intended for me. Most carton shouldn't even say one dozen eggs. They should say "eleven eggs and one pile of shell and yolk slime".

Why? Are the workers mad at the eggs with a need to abusively toss them into the cooler with no regard for their feelings? Or, perhaps, it's the chickens they have anger toward and decide to take it out on the offspring. You know, like the chickens are the dad in jail for imbezzlement and the eggs are the kids that get picked on at school because of it. Unfair.

Or maybe the person in charge of this department forgot that common sense is not so common. He or she forgot that sometimes you have to tell your unskilled employees this: "Hey, guys, about the eggs. You know, those little white and sometimes brown things that break if you look at them the wrong way? Yeah, could be a bit gentle with them? Okay? Good. Off to work now." That is all it would take, I think.

Of course, my blame could be competely misdirected. Someone, even a customer, could be having a bad day. They go and grab a straw, some Tic Tacs, jump on a shopping cart and do a drive by. Tasty, minty candies getting shot through a straw and into those openings in the egg cartons with a few casualties. Sorry, little egg. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong shelf.

Now I understand the logic that I am avoiding here. When I find a carton with eleven good, one bad, why not just switch out my bad one for a good one from another carton, you may ask? No! No, I can't do that. I always feel like I'm being watched in those places, and if I do the mix and match, they will know and - boom! Sirens go off, lights start flashing and I am in big trouble. I cannot take that kind of pressure. If these stores don't want to take the initiative to make a change, I'll stick with the shell game. It's my safest bet.

And, yes, I am using these first blog posts as a warm up. Excuse how trivial the may be. So have a good night and enjoy your breakfast tomorrow morning.

Love and full moons,

Becky the Writer

Friday, July 16, 2010

If I Had a Tim Gunn . . . Day 4

Greetings Pups,

When I decide whether or not I want to get involved in a relationship with a particular man, I do have some criteria. Of course, I know that no man will probably meet them all, but I do have some dealbreakers. One of them is honesty. I cannot be with a man who is not honest with me,and I cannot be with a man who is not honest with himself. I know I can't judge someone on their appearance, and you do have to get to know someone before you decide whether or not they are an honest person. But there are some men who, with one look, I know lie to themselves. I'm sure you've seen these men. Let me describe them.

Have you ever been sitting on a bench in the park or walking around a store, just watching people go by? All of a sudden, a man passes by. He is wearing simply a t-shirt and a pair of pants. Sounds safe enough, right? Wrong. Oh, sure, that seems like a good casual outfit, and it usually is, but not this time. It is because this man has lied to himself.

He is wearing pants that should be worn by a man who has a twenty-eight inch waist UNDERNEATH his own thirty-six inch waist! You've seen them, right? Where their midsection that will never be described as flat or taut hangs over their belt. Oh, and let's all thank the good Lord above that there is a belt. Otherwise, these guys would look like Vincent D'onofrio in that scene in Full Metal Jacket where the sergeant or whatever made him march around with his pants around his ankles, sucking his thumb. But let's not get into that today.

And the cherry on top of that dessert they should not be eating is that all of them are tuckers. They all tuck in the shirt. Look, if you have a stomach like a pregnant woman, go to them for fashion tips. I have never seen a pregnant woman tucking. No, they get those cute tunics that cover everything up. They should make those for dudes.

Just so no one thinks I'm sexist, I'll toss in something for the ladies as well. Think of it this way. Anorexia is like Los Angeles; morbid obesity is like New York. There is a vast landscape between those two places, and most of us fall into that area.

Now I wouldn't call myself model size, but who in their right mind is? So I never judge people on their own size. I do, however, know how to dress in order to be flattering and not frightening. So, referring to my previous metaphor, if you live in Cleveland, don't dress like you live in Las Vegas. You got it.

Bottom line is, fat, skinny, or whatever, if you don't love yourself, you'll never really look good anyway. So don't worry too much about one until you take care of the other.

Love and full moons,

Becky the Writer

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Mel, Tsk . . . Maybe. - Day 3

Greetings Pups,

We've all heard the saying "The Truth Hurts". I believe that, and I'm not afraid of offending people as long as I am telling the truth. I do not, however, try to offend people just for the sake of being offensive or hurting somebody. I think everybody else should feel that way, too. That being said, let's talk about this latest Mel Gibson fiasco.

Like most people in the world, I have heard bits of this tape going around of Mel fighting with his baby mama. Now I have always had trouble recognizing someone's voice when they are screaming and yelling. I'm not saying that it isn't him on that tape, but my sensors are going off telling me I have reason to be suspicious.

Let's just cut to the chase, why don't we? If this had been a fight between Mel and the woman he was married to for over twenty-five years, I wouldn't be so suspicious. I and everyone else knows what his temper is like and I always thought of his wife as being a good and certainly loyal woman. But this new woman? Well, I just have serious doubts.

I mean, anyone who knows anything about this chick knows that she wants to be famous. And these days the best way to be famous is to, put it bluntly, spread 'em! I think we all know what I mean by the word " 'em". And this is apparently not the first time she got knocked up by a famous guy. Don't get me wrong. It's the guys' fault, too, because, let's be honest, guys can be stupid, especially when it comes to women. But I also know women. I'm one of them. I know how manipulative we can be. And this particular woman has come across as very shady from the beginning. So if it was Mel on this tape, I think she masterminded this whole thing and baited him. No woman can possibly sound as calm as she did while talking about the things they were talking about. By the way, that wasn't a compliment of me calling her clever. No, it probably wasn't too hard to get him to lose his temper. You are not that talented, my dear.

And if there is one thing I've noticed about Mel Gibson, it is this. Whatever despicable things he has ever done, he always eventually owns up to them and apologizes. So I'm waiting for that, because if he did make this collosal mistake, he will be remorseful and tell us.

Look, whatever went down, let's remember the most important thing. There are children involved here. I suggest we pray for all of these people, but mostly for them.

Okay, I'm done with this.

Love and full moons,

Becky the Writer

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Little More Info - Day 2

Greetings Pups,

As promised, I will now tell whomever is reading this a little more about myself. I suppose I could start at the beginning, but I don't believe I was all that aware of things back then. I can really only tell you what I've heard about those early days of my life. Unfortunately, I don't fully trust anyone to tell me the truth about that. Or anything.

So, the best I can do is tell you that I was born years ago, I grew up and here I am. I can tell you for sure that I have tried to fill those years with things that can only be described as interesting. I do not like to be bored.

Now I would never call myself religious, but the most important relationship in my life is with the Lord. I am in no way political, although, I am a registered Libertarian. I do feel like that party is best suited to me, but I like being a Libertarian, mostly, because when I tell people I am one, it is quite entertaining to watch them pretend they know what one is. And then, I consider myself an edgy artist, yet I do not use inappropriate language in my writing. Which, I suppose, does make me edgy these days. My rule is "no profanity, but I will give you harsh and strong language". The truth does tend to be harsh and strong.

I have family spread all over the world, but I personally and currently reside in the Western Hemisphere of Pennsylvania. I only tell you all this as a warning. If you own any kind of a business, I strongly suggest that you keep your employees in check. I do not like to see wrong things being done to the public, since, in a way, I am part of it. Of course, I will always tell that public about things being done exceptionally well, but I do have to add the sour to the sweet and inform them of the badness. I'm just saying be careful, because that first amendment is shined up really bright in my book. And I always tell the truth.

I do have one of those average jobs that most people have, but it's a front so I won't get too many questions about what I really do. And what I really do can sometimes be inexplicable. You see, I am a people person. I protect people; I test people; I observe people; I listen to people; and those wrong things I see being done to people, as I previously mentioned, I make sure to do my part to put a stop to them, as you may have already guessed. That's work, my friends. All of these things are threads that lead to my most important job - writing. I wonder, though, if it really is a job for me. While it is hard work, I do have a slight case of hypergraphia (that would be compulsive writing) so I do it whether I want to or not.

Don't get me wrong. I love the writing and I think I'm good at it. Nothing better than creating worlds and playing with the lives in them. Oh, yeah, I also like to do that in real life, too. Hey, I said I don't like to be bored. So when a day is moving along slowly, you better believe I'll be the one to drop the spice into that recipe.

I do have other hobbies. I like to discover and observe the work of other artists, which means I have to dive into the entertainment industry quite a bit. That also means I have to sift through the crap to get to the good stuff. But all that leads to the fun part.

I love to tell people about movies, music, books. I end up becoming a bit of an unofficial reviewer, and I love to make lists of my favorite and not so favorite things. I'm sure you'll see some of those on occasion.

I'm sure I will even grace you all with the presence of some of my poetry from time to time. Consider yourself blessed if I do that. I may give you guys some first editions. I may even inspire people to join my pack. Maybe

I think that's all I need to say for now. I'm sure it was more than enough, but you'll definitely get more later. Have a lovely night and until next time . . .

Love and full moons,

Becky the Writer

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Welcome! - Day 1

Greetings Pups,

Hello! And welcome to my world!

I thought I would do a little post just to say something about myself as an introduction. So here we go.

I'm an artist, a writer, specifically, and every pure, real artist holds the truth as a priceless treasure above all else. Every lie is just another flaw put into that diamond, until it reverts back to coal. Then, you have to start all over again, if you even can. That seems like a good enough reason for me. Plus, I don't think God likes it all that much, and on His bad side is one place I never want to be.

Now, you may be wondering exactly what this blog will about. Well, ground-breakingly enough, it will be about what I think, what I believe and whatever opinions I am permitted to have. By that, I mean, absolute truth does exist, and with that, there is no opinion to have. It's the truth or nothing. Otherwise, I have an opinion on everything from people to places to entertainment to life in general. Basically, you never know what you're going to get. This is a blog for everyone about everything.

Now to those of you who don't know me, or most likely those you do, that may seem uninteresting. But trust me. You take a woman who has been and still is forced to stifle herself on everything in most areas of her life and then let her go . . . ? Well, let's just say this will be one big ka-boom of point of view with a lot of valuables being released.

I hope you all enjoy what I write. In time to come, I will tell you all more about myself. Until then . . .

Love and full moons,

Becky the Writer